Diary of a Suicidal continues………

It is said the person who commits suicide is a coward. He lacks the proper moral and emotional orientation and therefore rightly deserves to take leave from this world which is for the brave hearts. I have mentioned the word ” moral” because in many cultures it is believed suicide is an abomination to the Gods, and the one who commits suicide, his body is not just banished from this earth but his soul too has no place in the land of gods- Heaven.

These traditional views, no doubt, are pronounced in the best interest of the society. The society is a harsh place to live as such, but when your micro society that is your family too becomes your biggest cause of misery then the world seems meaningless and barren. Often suicidal ideation comes to you, but is it a solution? I often wonder and wait and contemplate.

This leads me to think whether the saying that” it is only the cowards who commit suicide” is credible or it is just a moral boosting capsule.

Rather, I really wonder at the courage of  those who take such an extreme step. To be disgusted with the world and the people around you is understandable; considering my situation.  But to be disgusted with oneself requires a self-hate attitude. We all love ourselves and hate those who make our lives miserable then how can one find a solution in suicide?

To commit suicide is to destroy oneself but what have we done wrong that we find suicide as an excuse for our helplessness?

During tough times at home, when my indifferent and abusive father hurts me and my otherwise  supportive mother breaks down in helplessness, i have often brought a knife close to my wrist but never had the guts to touch it to my skin.  This is where i lack the guts.. facing the crisis, never required that much of guts than hurting myself. This makes me think- to what extent one can be self-destructive and be filled with self-hatred that one can take such a step?

Does anyone have an answer?

what do you think- is suicide an act of courage or cowardice?download


Diary of a suicidal

If pain can be personified then it would be those millions of children who are brought up in a family that hangs between broken and unbroken. If a family breaks, society expresses grief, some conservative ones blame or even curse the women of the family, and eulogize the male for putting up with such a stubborn and characterless woman and the children are pitied for their helpless condition. Outside criticism and remarks sound so convincing and justifiable. On the other hand, in the case of an unbroken family, the whole society looks up to such a family with admiration- the parents work and support the family, children blossom and  be merry.

What about the family that belongs to neither group? What perception does the society have about them?

I think society may pass some snide remarks during moments of confrontation within the family but on the whole, has nothing much to say.

But does a society’s view should matter us so much that we fear to even live our life on our terms breaking free all shackles and restrictions and code of conduct that this merciless society puts upon us?

I belong to one such family which occupies a high respect in society and lives in a huge decent mansion sized house. But its inhabitants are nothing better than lifeless logs and heartless stones. To grow amidst them, creates personified pain, fear and terror. Some kids are intensified pain who erupt violently and destructively…some are sealed fear  who become coward and suicidal and some become great terrors who bully their inferior peers to hide their insecurities, anxieties and pain.

To know to which category I belong. And what is my life story? Wait for my next Blog post…and share your comments ……sasha

diary of a suicidal